Talking to your kids about sexting and non-consensual sharing

Parents face new challenges in today's digital world when it comes to protecting their kids and fostering healthy relationships. One of the most concerning issues is sexting – the sharing of intimate or nude images – and the devastating consequences that can follow when these images are forwarded without consent. While this conversation may feel uncomfortable, it's essential for building trust and keeping our youth safe online.

The reality behind the statistics

As a parent or caregiver, you might be relieved to learn that fewer youth actually take and send sexts than you might think. However, the concerning reality is that almost half of youth who have taken and sent a sext report that the recipient then shared that image without their consent. This culture of sharing among youth represents a major concern that can have devastating consequences for both the person in the picture and the person who forwards it.

Understanding the terminology is important when starting these conversations. Not all youth use the word "sext" – some call them "nudes," "nudies," "naked selfies," or just "pics." Even if you don't use the exact terminology your kid uses, they'll understand what you're talking about.

Starting the conversation

The most important message to communicate to your kids is clear and absolute: if they receive a sext, they should never share it with other people under any circumstances. This isn't just good advice, it's a moral and legal imperative. Here's why:

• Legal consequences: sharing or forwarding a sext of someone under 18 is against the law and considered child pornography. Additionally, sharing or forwarding a sext of anyone without their permission is illegal regardless of age.
• Lasting harm: sharing or forwarding a sext hurts the person in it in ways that may last a lifetime. The digital world never forgets, and what seems like a momentary decision can have permanent consequences.
• Moral responsibility: sharing or forwarding a sext without the sender's permission is morally wrong. Research shows that youth are more likely to listen when you tell them something is morally wrong than if you simply tell them something is dangerous or illegal.

Challenging common excuses

According to MediaSmarts' study on Non-Consensual Sharing of Sexts, the biggest factor in whether young people who received sexts then shared them with others was whether they agreed with examples of moral disengagement about sexting. These are the "sneaky excuses" that people use to justify behaviour they know isn't right.

"Everybody does it"

Youth might minimize the harm by saying things like "Everybody sends sexts these days. Nobody cares if one gets shared around" or "It's not a big deal to forward a sext if other people have already seen it."

Counter with facts: not everyone takes and sends sexts, only about a quarter of sixteen-year-olds have sent one. More importantly, sending a sext doesn't mean someone wants it to be shared. Every time you forward a sext, you're hurting the person in it, regardless of whether you're the first person to share it or the hundredth.

"You should be thanking me"

Some youth justify sharing by claiming it's for a good reason, such as "Sharing and forwarding sexts just shows people what might happen if they take and send them" or using it as revenge when someone cheats.

Respond with perspective: while it hurts when someone is unfaithful, forwarding a sext can hurt someone for a lifetime. There are ways to educate people about the risks of sexting without actually hurting anyone. Two wrongs don't make a right.

"I'm just the messenger"

Youth often try to shift blame by saying things like "It's hard to say no when your friends ask to see a sext that you got" or "You can't blame a guy for forwarding a sext. That's just boys being boys."

Emphasize personal responsibility: if the first person hadn't chosen to share the sext, nobody else could have. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but we have to do it anyway. There's nothing about being male that makes it okay to share someone else's intimate images.

"It's your fault for sending it"

Perhaps the most harmful excuse is victim-blaming: "If someone sends a sext to a person they're not in a relationship with, they shouldn't be surprised if it gets shared."

Redirect the responsibility: sending a sext to someone you're not dating might not be wise, but that doesn't make it okay to share that image with others. If someone sent you a sext, they probably thought they could trust you to keep it private. The question becomes: do you want to be proven untrustworthy?

Building digital empathy and trust

The key to these conversations is helping youth understand that behind every image is a real person with real feelings. When someone shares an intimate image, they're placing enormous trust in the recipient. Violating that trust doesn't just break a rule, it breaks a person.

Encourage your kids to think about how they would feel if their most vulnerable moment was shared without their consent. Help them understand that the person who sent the image likely thought they could trust the recipient to keep it private, and that maintaining that trust is a fundamental part of healthy relationships.

Moving forward together

These conversations aren't one-time events but ongoing dialogues about respect, consent, and digital citizenship. By addressing the common excuses and moral disengagement tactics that youth encounter, we can help them make better decisions when faced with these situations.

Remember, the goal isn't to shame or frighten our kids, but to help them understand the real impact of their choices on others. When we focus on the moral aspects – treating others with respect and maintaining trust, we give our youth a framework for making ethical decisions in all areas of their digital lives.

By having these important conversations, we help our kids navigate their digital relationships with the same care and consideration they would show in person. For additional resources visit telus.com/HowWouldUFeel.